i am a paranoid schizophrenic in my own entourage!

08:47 pm - # 24

it seems that i need couple of cheap clocks so i can see what time it is in places that interrest me more than well my current location.

12:43 pm - # 23

tell me your website address if you want to get linked. i'm making a new laytout for my site. thank you!

07:14 pm - # 22

I am a street light shining

05:02 pm - # 21

11:12 am - # 19

sometimes i'm afraid i'm liked only because of what i represent.
and do i represent anything but depression, illness and darkness?
i didn't think so.

sometimes i'm afriad i'm liked because of the image everyone
has created in their minds about me. images tend to be so wrong,
unless they are updated that is.

08:18 am - # 18

surfing the net and reading my emails makes me sad.
there is too much of negativity around.

09:18 pm - # 17

it is late but it is.

01:52 pm - # 15

t-shirts of the day:

It Is Now Safe To Turn Off Your Computer

I'm Not Your Damn Search Engine

and my ultra favourite: I'm Somebody's Fetish

11:37 am - # 10

Yo soy un gringo estupido!
(some website teaches this for those who are travelling in spanish speaking countries..)

Si, la bestia loca mereció morirse. Pero es necesario que esté sentada junto a mi?
Cambiaré la llanta, pero no cuente con una propina.
No me miente! Reconozco la diferencia entre una piraña y una carpa.
Su dinero es muy bonito. Quién es el hombre con la chistera de Monopoly?
No dudo sus habilidades, pero estoy casado.
Mi amigo está borracho, y yo estoy perdido.
Cálmese! No son balazos; es el estómago.
Al demonio con su juramento! ÃTengo bichos adentro que necesitan ser matados.
Puedo ofrecerle un regalito de dinero?
Sus ametralladoras están tan limpias!
Otra vez, esos bueyes franceses en Quebec lo han jodido todo!
Los tiburones comieron la mayoria de los cocodriles? Eso me contenta.

08:34 pm - # 9

the reason why angelina jolie is cool (from imdb.com):

Jolie's Quest For S&M Lover

Oscar-winner Angelina Jolie believes the man who understands her sadomasochistic needs and ties her up will be "the one". The Tomb Raider star tried to engender trust in her marriages to actors Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton by introducing violence into their sex lives, and she wants to push the boundaries even further with her next lover. Jolie explains, "A lot of my relationships just weren't honest enough. So I took them down different paths toward violence or wildness... to try to find somebody to hold me down and make me feel. S&M sex can be misinterpreted as violence. It's really about trust. I like to push boundaries, both emotional and sexual, with another person. That's when I've felt the sexiest. I've been in both submissive and dominant roles because I want more. I've never been tied up. I have a feeling the person that does it will be the one. I think that's what I'd like."

02:33 pm - # 7

bit of news (sorry for the heavy entry) ... from ananova.com:

Grumpy pensioner ploughs up football pitch

A pensioner fed up with footballs being kicked into his garden hired a tractor and ploughed up the pitch before planting it with wild oats. Juraj Vybostok, 70, from Stozok in Slovakia, rented out the field behind his house to the town's football team seven years ago. But as more and more games were played he said he got fed up with dozens of balls flying over his back garden fence every weekend.

He claimed that despite talking to the club and local council nothing was done, and he was forced to take action himself. "It's my land and I'll do what I want with it. Those footballs have no place in my back garden. They need to stay on the pitch. Come the spring though the pitch will be full of oats now," Vybostok said. The town football club has now been forced to use a pitch in a neighbouring town to play matches and the town's mayor, Stefan Spodniak, is thinking of building a new one. He said: "Vybostok has cost us enough already. Every time a ball goes into his back garden - he lets his dog eat it. "Almost 40 balls have disappeared in his garden and we've had to spend about £1,000 replacing them."

from the times online:

October 13, 2004: Internet suicide pacts shock Japan

NINE Japanese men and women took their lives yesterday as part of an epidemic of suicide pacts forged over the internet. Seven of the dead, who were in their late teens and early 20s and are believed never to have met each other before yesterday, were found together in the same rented car in Japan’s biggest cyber mass suicide.

As police in Saitama discovered the macabre scene, two women were found dead in front of a rural shrine in the neighbouring prefecture of Kanagawa, apparently after a similar pact. Their car was parked two km (just over a mile) down the same mountain road where, a fortnight ago, four people who were previously strangers killed themselves in a car. All three groups drove their vehicles to remote areas of countryside before sealing the windows with the same type of duct tape and lighting charcoal briquettes on small cooking stoves to produce deadly fumes.

It is no coincidence that both groups chose the same path to oblivion: police in Japan have seen it with disturbing regularity. Nearly 20 Japanese aged between 16 and 30 have used this method of suicide this year, and the total in 2003 was nearly twice that. Dozens of websites are devoted to discussion of suicide, and their chat rooms have become the forum of an online “suicide community” whose members are nearly always in the prime of life.

The community’s unhappy constituents have decided that carbon monoxide poisoning is, according to one of the largest sites, the “most peaceful way for the like-minded and lonely to die together”. The first incident of this sort took place in February last year, and since then, 20 separate groups of young people have selected the same method.

As well as allowing members to agree on their type of death, the websites provide a national message board for those contemplating suicide but who cannot bear the thought of dying alone. The long tradition of suicide in Japan has been shaped to suit a new internet-literate generation which sees suicide not as a private matter, but as a group activity.

Many of those who have died in group suicides have been found with long lists of e-mail addresses. Their mobile phone records frequently show that the victims have only ever made one call to the people they were eventually found dead with.

Comments posted in the “suicide applicant” chat rooms show individuals actively seeking partners. The sites frequently find people initially asking for advice on taking their lives but then coming across people ready to carry out the act immediately. In one interchange, a man offers the services of his car but asks whether anyone has the briquettes and stove. The discussion is joined by two others who mull over the best locations for a suicide attempt.

Last month the World Health Organisation found that since its previous report in 1999, Japan had jumped 13 places to having the tenth- highest suicide rate in the world and the highest among G8 nations. In what they agreed was an under-analysed conclusion, WHO experts cited the effects of Japan’s extended economic downturn as the trigger for its rise in suicides. While that assessment explains the rise in suicides among unemployed men in their 50s, the Government is still in the dark about the sudden surge in suicide pacts involving the young.

According to Denwa Inochi, Japan’s equivalent of the Samaritans, the group suicides reveal much about the generation carrying them out. A spokesperson said that it was clear from the content of most of the internet chat rooms that loneliness and feelings of isolation from society emerge as the predominant motive for suicides among the young. By its very existence, the online “suicide community” gives those people an opportunity to be part of a group, but “because of the reason why they have come together, they never benefit from those feelings”, the spokesperson said.

DEATH WATCH
# Japan ranks 10th in the world suicide-rate tables, and has the highest rate of suicides per 100,000 of population among advanced nations. Its most recently calculated rate of 24.1 puts it far above the British rate of 7.5 and the US rate of 10.4. The Japanese suicide rate among men is more than double that among women.

# Despite the country’s many other social taboos, suicide has a long history in the mainstream of Japanese culture. It has never been condemned by any religious framework, and has even been presented as the honourable way out. Literature and drama have glorified suicide as part of the ancient warrior culture and many novels and plays are centred on the theme.

# The Complete Manual of Suicide spent more than a year at the top of Japanese bestseller lists during the early 1990s.

# Scandal, shame and failure have all produced high-profile suicides in Japan, though the most memorable in recent memory was perhaps the ritual self-disemboweling, or seppuku, of the author Yukio Mishima. He used the public event to promote his extreme views on Japanese nationalism.

08:46 pm - never mistake reason for action - ernest hemingway

this is half public and half for friends.
half is a bit surreal for me so the journal
thing will be for friends.

reasons? there are no reasons. except protecting
myself from myself. i tend to get in trouble
of what i write online so i'm avoinding the troubles.
very simple, yes?

notes:
& ask to be added to the buddy list.
& don't add before i tell you it's cool
> that is the best way to get on my sh!tlist
& i probably bore you to death
> that's not my consern
& my life is important
> privacy is the best way to protect my big mouth
& i like comments and i do comment, ok?